Ugh! Big Protest This Weekend Against "Chemtrails", A Threat That Doesn't Exist

These are contrails from jet exhaust. Not chemtrails. 

Last weekend brought inspiring mass protests pointing out the very real dangers looming due to climate change.  

This coming weekend will bring loony protests against an imaginary threat that way too many gullible people say is real: Something called chemtrails.

As Vane, the weather page on Gawker notes, these so calles chemtrails are really condensation trails from jet airplanes.

You know how your warm, moist breath causes a puff of steam when you exhale on a really cold day?

The same kind of thing happens with high flying jets. The hot, moisture laden exhaust from the jet engines belches into the frigid atmosphere tens of thousands of feet up there. So you get that white little streak like a tail behind a jet passing overhead.

Depending on wind patterns and the amount of moisture in the upper atmosphere, these condensation trails can spread into pretty big areas of high flying cirrus clouds that can linger for hours.

But there are a surprisingly large number of people that think these condensation trails are really dangerous chemicals being spread by the government for any variety of reasons, including spraying mind controlling drugs on an unsuspecting populace,  cause awful storms meant to cow people into not criticizing or resisting the government, or for some sort of population control scheme.

Hence, this weekend's Global March Against Chemtrails and Geoengineering.

Sadly, organizers use the same language some global climate change activists use:

"Help raise awareness against the world's largest ecological disaster mankind has ever witnessed with whatever your skill or talent is." 

The chemtrail activists use pseudo-scientific and flowery language to make their point:

"The damage is done! The research is conclusive! Our environment and our planet is on a dead end collision from the toxic effect of high altitude aerosol injections commonly known (sic) Aerosol Geoengineering and Chemtrails. No place on Earth is safe from Aerosols Geoengineering Ecoside!"

I think this chemtrail madness stems from both an anti-science mindset in this country and of course the Internet.  Groups of conspiracy theorists find their own "experts" to promote their wacky cause and say the serious scientists are part of the conspiracy, or don't know what they're talking about.

The Internet helps spread all this insanity.  I suppose I could be making things worse by giving the chemtrail activists a bit of publicity, but I think talking about them is better than pretending they don't exist. Knowledge is power.

There's a sort of tribalism at work in these conspiracy type things too. Once you convince somebody something is true, it's hard to dissuade them. So they buckle down, and find like minded people, and they all feed off each other. It's human nature, I guess.

I also think most people up in arms over "chemtrails" are well meaning, just misguided.

Still, I'm sure I will have people roundly criticizing me for dismissing this false threat of chemtrails. Or say I'm part of the conspiracy. Whatever.

The hard work for the rest of us is wading through all the stories out there to figure out which are the credible sources, and which are the flakes.

It takes a fair amount of reading to tease out the credible reports, but once you find a news or science source that really seems sane and well researched, stick with them.

If I find serious science and journalism that indicates chemtrails are real, I'll surely join the bandwagon against the phenomenon. But there's nothing credible out there. "Chemtrails" are just water vapor. Relax.

In terms of climate change, well, there's boatloads of serious science indicating that it's real and we need to deal with it. Hence last week's climate march.

True, there are whack jobs who say climate change will kill all of humanity within a few years (It won't.) And others who say climate change is just a bunch of scientists scamming for research dollars. (Uh, no.)

The bottom line:  Please do join environmental causes you feel strongly about.  But before you do, complete a little research to make sure the threat is real, is serious, and you're not taken in by people with wild imaginations or who are just trying to make a buck.

Sorry, Conspiracy Theorists, But "Chemtrails" Are Not A Thing

I'm totally on with Vane, the weather page on the snarky Web site Gawker, which has been totally going off on all those people who think that chemtrails exist and the government is trying to kill us with them.

Or something.

At the risk of having a bunch of conspiracy theorists with pitchforks or spray bottles of vinegar (more on that later) come at me because they think I'm part of the conspiracy, I'm going to yell at the chemtrail believers too.

CHEMTRAILS DON'T EXIST, YOU MORONS!!!

I'd better explain what this conspiracy theory is first: You know those thin white clouds or streaks you see forming behind a jet airplane as it passes overhead? Those are contrails. The hot exhaust from the jet engines hits the cold air and causes condensation. What you're seeing is a trail of ice crystals behind the jet.

These condensation trails can last from a few seconds to several hours after the jet goes by, depending upon atmospheric conditions.

We've seen these contrails up in the sky ever since there were jets.

Chemtrail enthusiasts say the you can tell many, most or all contrails are actually their beloved chemtrails, because they spread out or linger in the sky for hours, or merge with existing high clouds.

Since there can be any number of wind patterns up there where the jets fly, the wind can do all kinds of things to the condensations trails, bend them, make them much wider, intertangle several condensation trails-- you name it.

Still, a bunch of yahoos think these contrails are actually chemtrails.

According to RationalWiki, chemtrail conspiracists aren't totally sure what nefarious plot is behind the phenomenon, but top theories are it's for sterilization for genocide or population control, administration of drugs for mind control, to stop human evolution, to combat climate change.

One of the more interesting theorites is that chemtrails are designed to give Monsanto a global monopoly on genetically modified food by poisoning the environment so nothing but their seeds will grow.

Um, doesn't Monsanto already have almost a monopoly on genetically modified seeds? So why would they need so-called chemtrails.

Well, that's besides the point.

We could dismiss chemtrail enthusiasts as a bunch of tinfoil hat wackos, but too many people who should know better take this seriously for some reason.

 An Arizona State senator recently held a hearing on chemtrails in Lake Havasu City and the local paper took the foolishness seriously. 

In their article, the Havasu News actually did person on the street interviews about the subject and got responses like this:

"Jennifer Cramer of Havasu said she's noticed the "chemtrails" in town for about two years. "Every time they do chemtrailing there is some dramatic change in the weather. I noticed it this weekend and then it got very windy.....I'm not a scientist and I don't know what's in the (chemtrails) I think we have a right to know instead of worry (sic) about it every day."

Let me clue you in,  Jennifer, so you can stop worrying.  Contrails are most noticeable and tend to last longest, and spread out more when there are other high thin clouds starting to move in.

Those high thin clouds are often the first sign of an approaching storm. That's why it got windy, Jennifer. A normal, run of the mill, non conspiracy, meterological storm was probably coming your way.

So chill.

Oh, and about the vinegar: Some conspiracy theorists say you can neutralize the effects of chemtrails by spray vinegar into the air. That has led to some hilariously pathetic YouTube videos of people with plant misters spraying vinegar into the air.

There's one of those videos at the bottom of this post for entertainment.  In it, a woman is spraying vinegar into the air with a plant mister, and is convinced she is making the "chemtrails" disappear. (The contrails disappear on their own, you moron!)

The best line in the video is when you hear her teenage son say, resigned: "We are NOT your average family."

Meanwhile, I'm sure I, and Vane/Gawker writer Dennis Mersereau would get plenty of flak and vinegar from the conspiracists. But that's part of the job, I guess.

Now, go have some vinegar with that video I promised: