Bizarro Story From Infowars On Hurricane Lane

These nutjobs on Infowars tell us that John Kerry fired an energy
beam from Antarctica that split Hurricane Lane in two.
Credit them for imagination! 

An energy beam fired from Antarctica, probably by John Kerry, split Hurricane Lane in two while it was near Hawaii last week.

Obviously, that isn't true, but the nutjobs at Infowars obviously think it happened. Infowars, for the unitiated, is a strange conspiracy theory "news" site run by performance artist/crazy man Alex Jones.

Even more strangely, lots of people believe this garbage. Hate to say it, but it appears most of the people who believe in this garbage are Trump partisans.

Here's how I think they came up with this energy beam theory. At one point, a large blob of thunderstorms developed just to the east of Hurricane Lane. On satellite photos, it looked like there were suddently two powerful storms near Hawaii.

The Infowars guys in their video showed what appeared to be an infared satellite image of moisture flow around the world. There briefly appears to be some moisture, or a lack of it, coming out of Antarctica. I'm not sure if it was a glitch, or just air flow coming up from Antarctica northbound near Chile, but there you go.

An energy beam!

Well, actually, it was just the natural flow of moisture in the atmosphere, but that's not exciting enough for the Infowar guys.

After some verbiage concerning China and its aggressions in the South China Sea or something like that, the two people on Infowars conclude former Secretary of State John Kerry is somehow behind it.

Kerry visited Antarctica two years ago. That's a true fact. Somehow, these people in Infowars said that because Kerry once visited Antarctica, he returned and fired that energy beam.

The fact that Kerry visited Antarctica very soon after the 2016 elections somehow makes everything suspicious. How the hell do they come up with this crap?  Anyway, this is what the Infowars host Owen Shroyer said:

"Yeah, why is John Kerry going down to Antarctica just a week after the election to discuss climate hange and then you have energy beams coming out of Antarctica splitting hurricanes?"

How Shroyer connects these two things I'll never know.

"What is John Kerry doing down there? That's awfully suspicious to me," Shroyer said. Never mind there's no indication Kerry visited Antarctica this week. But never mind. Shroyer informs us that the FBI should be investigated this instead of Trump collusion investigation.

That, Shroyer thinks, is a way, way over the top conspiracy theory. OK, whatever.

For his part, Kerry tweeted: "The secret's out - busted."

Oh, that Tweet will send the Infowars nutjobs into a tizzy!

In a reply to Kerry someone jokingly tweeted: "I always said don't trust @JohnKerry some day he's going to split a giant hurricane that's threatening Hawaii in two using some sort of beam fired from Antarctica and everyone laughed at me. Who's laughing now though?"

Another tweet scolded Kerry:

"John, I thought we agreed that you would stop doing that. I fear it's becoming more than a habit - its on the verge of an addiction. Have you considered Giant Laserbeam Zappers Anonymous?"

We'll just have to watch and see. More hurricanes will form in the coming weeks. Will John Kerry zap those, too? We'll have to wait and see.